I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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