I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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