Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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