You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
