Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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