He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
the liver wants what the liver wants
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
