I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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