I skipped work to stalk him.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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