Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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