The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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