Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
