Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
