Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
