I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
