btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
