I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
