if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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