you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
