somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
