we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Houston, we have a squirter
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
