I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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