I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
