Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
