Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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