Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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