ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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