Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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