Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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