Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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