did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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