Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
