There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
