Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
