Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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