he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
