Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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