Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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