My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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