man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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