I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
