Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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