Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
