that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
