tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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