hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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