addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
