Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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