If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
