i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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