i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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