3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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