i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
