I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
